Delight of Adventure With a Grain of Salt...

I have been thinking a lot about what drives people to do things. One could say that this started as self analysis. I have found myself feeling more sad than I had expected to finally be making the decision to move abroad. This, after all has been my goal for many years. So, why is it that now that it is actually happening, there is a part of me that would rather not?

I discussed this at length with my friend Mr. P, who happens to be rather brilliant at making observations about human behaviour, and I often enjoy hearing his point of view. His take on this mild malaize, is that when one pushes themselves so hard to go after a goal which for a long time seems out of reach and nearly impossible, the build up for that final moment is so intense that it becomes unrealistic. So no wonder then, that once you get there, all of a sudden it is totally anti-climactic. I thought this could be it, but upon further reflection, I decided that this was not the case for me.

So, my self-analysis was at square one. Then I decided I ought do one of those pro's and con's list. This is when it hit...somewhere  along the way in these last few years, I found a place that has become my home. My little fixer-upper has suddenly turned into the dream that I saw when I first bought it. We have finally settled into a routine of doing things just how we like them, we found our favourite restaurants, we love where we live and the kittens are happy. And most importantly of all, I finally have a fabulous hairdresser! These are the things that I wish I didn't have to change...............

Ah ha! There it is! Fear of change.

Fear of change is the thing that always drops that tiny grain of salt onto the sweet delight of a new adventure. And it is no matter how exciting, or well researched, or well prepared for a change one is, there is always that element of the unknown. For those who have made significant, international moves before, you know that there are things that always come up that make these changes particularly difficult.

It is no wonder I am feeling some anxiety about this. I am going to a country where although most speak English, I don't know the native language. Which means that once again I will be in an environment where communication is difficult. Where I can't understand, and where others don't understand me. Where they pickle their fish in all sorts of coloured sauces, and where the concept of salad as we know it is a weird foreign thing. But there is more to this I think...

Could it be that I, who in the last fifteen years began living a life of constant moving, trying new things, doing as I please and being afraid of settling, am finally ready to root down? Or, is it that all of these things have been a somewhat misguided search for home? Home: defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary as 1. one's place of residence (check - got one of those), 2. the social unit formed by a family living together (check - got a bunch of beasts at home for dinner every day), 3. a familiar or usual setting; congenial environment; the focus of one's domestic attention (yes, yes and yes).

So, how do I brave the storms of this heavy change and come out on the other end smiling?

Maybe, looking at the things that will stay the same will help see me through. Those that are most important will be coming with me. They will be the ones that will now be part of this next adventure. Someone to share the excitement with, someone to comfort me when the changes overwhelm. I go forth achieving my dreams with the support of the best back up team! I'm the luckiest girl in the world!

Well then. Harold Wilson said: "He who rejects change is the architect of decay.The only human institution that rejects progress is the cemetery."

And by golly, I ain't dead yet! (Although, doing all the final renos to the house nearly did me in...but who's dwelling on the past...4 hours and 20 days.)