There is not that bad...

Well, a delightful thing has happened!

One of my followers has commented on the Window To The Country's Soul post. He has recommended that I add the following saying to the Words of Wisdom window.

Here it is in Polish:

'niema tego złego, co by na dobre nie wyszło'

What a fitting comment on the idea of what I have been thinking of when I started this blog. For those of you who are a little short on your Polish vocabulary, a direct translation would be "there is not that bad, what would not work out for good". Somewhat nonsensical in this form, but when you consider this carefully, it truly starts to define the essence of the experience of transplanting yourself from one place to another.

All the things that I have mentioned in the previous posts could be considered as deficiencies or some form of inferiority to the place you come from. But think about this: moving to a new place is a monumental change in life. As the excitement of the new wares off, homesickness and even depression can set in. It is easy to start thinking that where you came from is just so much better than where you are.

Coping with change is not light work. The best saying I have heard is that the only people who like change are busy cashiers and wet babies. Funny...ha, ha, ha...But according to psychologists, coping with change follows the same cycle as grieving (see footnote). No wonder you feel a little bummed out that the familiar routines and all your BFF's you once took for granted are gone.

So, if you then think about moving and that change is a means to a goal, all of a sudden the meaning of the polish saying starts to take on more sense. Perhaps, the true translation of it should be "Every change brings an opportunity"? After all, why do we move anyways? It is because we are seeking change, and whether we are prepared and have thought about what that really means or not, it is bound to bet a bit of a shock. The term 'culture shock' of course has not come to existence just 'cause....

iVillage UK has published a great little guide to coping with change. Everything they suggest in their 8 points to coping with change, really is talking about how the hard to do or bad aspects can be turned into good opportunities. This means that you become a person with that much more experience, and so much more prepared for similar situations in the future. So....all that bad, does work out to be good! Those Polaks...they're so smart!

So now that this marvelous wisdom has been imparted onto you, brace yourself, pack your favourite blanky and get going. A much richer and stronger person you will be. And if it turns out that this is not what you wanted to do after all....change it!

Footnote: 

The five stages of grief are defined as follows:

1. DENIAL and ISOLATION - At first, we tend to deny loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contact. This stage may last a few moments, or longer. As in opening a Facebook account is just sooooo cliche and beneath you.You are determined to call all your BFF's you left behind all the time...until you get that first phone bill. And then you tell yourself that you will keep in touch regardless because it is just so important! And never call them again. And Facebook is just so much work...and you're so busy getting your driver's license and they're probably too busy having fun to talk to you anyways.
2. ANGER - The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if he/ she is dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with him/her self for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it. As in you start to feel like such a looser for not keeping in touch with your bestests friends EVER! and they are such amazing people and why is AT&T charging so much for long distance calling and why is Skype so bloody difficult to figure out. It's like the world doesn't care that you want to keep in touch with those wonderful, caring, loving people...when in fact you are just so busy trying to find a new hairdresser, because you are in danger of becoming a Wookie....
3. BARGAINING - Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking "If I do this, will you take away the loss?" As in if I save some more money on the phone bills by not calling anyone, then maybe I can save enough to go and visit them, which is soooo much better than calling in the first place! And then everyone will be happy and it can be a once every six months thing...and yes! this seems like a good idea indeed!
4. DEPRESSION - The person feels numb, although anger and sadness remain underneath. As in you just stopped thinking about it because it makes you feel so horrible and instead scour the discount sites for last minute deals to Mexico, because you are so exhausted and really need to get away from it all, but you haven't deleted any of the join Facebook and be my friend invitations from you inbox...because maybe you might change your mind about the whole entire "social networking" nonsense...or maybe Mexico is a bad idea anyways...oh, why bother.
5. ACCEPTANCE - This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss. As in the new hairdresser gives you really bitchin' cuts and charges a bloody fortune, but you gotta look good! So the phone budget goes out the window and you create a Facebook account and post the awesomest pics of yourself with your new do and search friends' lists to befriend every human you have ever been in close proximity to, to prove that you really do care about them ALL! And now they all have a great vacation spot for cheap, which you all agree needs to be taken advantage of in the nearest future and never will, becuase you've all moved on by now.

Oh How I Miss Thee...

So the Olympics have started and with it a flood of memories and homesickness that I did not anticipate at all. I called Vancouver home for 8 years and really loved it! I am pretty sure that Mr.J is deaf in the left ear by now, because I've been shouting "I've been there!" at him since the opening ceremonies started. But I digress.

When I left Vancouver it was time to go, but now that I reflect on it, I think I probably could have taken advantage of what it had to offer a little more. But, that was then...

All this of course got me thinking about the phenomenon of how past experiences stay with you and affect what you do today, and how in an anticipation and excitement of moving to a new place, homesickness and nostalgia can very easily be a very nasty surprise. C.S. Lewis once wrote "You cannot take all luggage with you on all journeys." Valid point indeed, but a few 100 ton suitcases simply can't be left behind.

Since the concern of this blog is to speak about living somewhere from where you are not, the concept of homesickness is a real concern, or at least should be considered by those who are thinking about a move away from home....no matter how ready you are to go. It often starts as a little twinge of discomfort as you settle in in the evening after a terribly exciting day of new discoveries in the ever so exciting new place. It manifests itself as a sense of being tired, as though so much new and excitement is making you weary. You start to long for just a moment of the old routine. This is very much compounded if you do not happen to have your stuff with you and are in temporary accommodations. I think this sensation was best described by my cat, who after a long trip here moped about the Beige Palace (as we affectionately called the hole we stayed in for nearly 3 months before we got our own place), for weeks. She ended up having her own little routine, which after some time became just as comfortable as the one she had before, yet something just wasn't right. When we finally moved into our apartment and the movers started bringing our furniture in, the visible joy on her furry little face was just priceless! "It smells like me!" Her favourite chair was back! That little itty bittty part of the familiar was back.

There is something incredibly important to be learned from this story, and that is that no matter how ready one may be for a new adventure in life, it is always wise to bring a little something of your old life with you. This will be your anchor in the deep sea of everything new....because no matter how many things are the same as the place you came from, it will all be coloured with a different tint.

I love moving to new places. It makes me feel like life is not so boring. But deep down inside, I think I always long for that one place that is home...the way that Grandma always made me feel. How things had their spot and stayed there for 57 years. I can't say that I have found that place for myself yet, but there are a few things that I always have with me that make wherever I hang my hat the old and familiar just for a moment.

Window to the country's soul....

I don't suppose one really gets to know a country and it's people until you hear the old country sayings....It is these little gems that are windows to the country's soul. They reveal so much about its wisdom and sense of humor.

I find them highly entertaining and think that it would be a fun new addition to the blog! So, on the right you will find a new box, which will delight you in 'Mer'can sayings that are far more descriptive than a bunch of descriptive words....I'll update them regularly, so check back often. And by all means, please add your two cents!

We'll start with the celebration of the recent weather we've been experiencing here in the east! It is a nod to the talents of a certain Texas man that is a 'one of'...with a fantastic sense of humor!

Enjoy!

Walking may be hazardous to you health...

So, apparently point #1 (Pennsylvanian driving habits) in my last post really touched a nerve. Many of you commented on this to me and some also had very strong opinions. I appreciate very much that this has now become a thought provoking, challenging commentary that touches so many of you!

Well, let it be known that I do not work alone, and that I may or may not have covert operatives amongst you, who indeed are providing me with excellent material. One such individual (we will call her Ms.P to protect her identity) has very strongly suggested that today's topic further expand on the finer points of one important driving habit of our Philly co-cohabitants: failure to stop for pedestrians.

When Ms.P mentioned this to me, I was instantly delighted to find out that I am not a driving freak after all! I myself am a firm believer of stopping for pedestrians and do it quite often, especially on marked pedestrian crossings, parking lots and when those little white people figures light up in the intersections. This often results in honking by cars behind me. I got the finger on a few occasions. In fact, when my special gentleman friend (we'll call him Mr.J) and I first started getting to know each other, it confused the hell out of him! It just didn't compute in his head that this may be an acceptable action by a motorist. We have since cleared this point up, and it seems that being the kind and caring individual that he is, he is inclined to now and then stop and let a human walk in front of the car without running them down like he's acting out a Mad Max scene. We joke that the Canadian is rubbing off on him.

Well, I think it's very true that Canadians are nice like that. They do stop for pedestrians and let them patiently pass by without threat. As I think about it, now I am realizing that most Canadian drivers do all sorts of nice things for their fellow motorists. They stay in the right lane and only use the left one for passing. They rarely run red lights. They don't honk all that often, and on occaison will pull over on the shoulder to let you whiz by on a one lane highway. (Except in Toronto, but that is a different story all together, 'cause you people are angry drivers!)

I suppose it makes sense that people here don't stop for walkers. Who the hell walks outside these days anyways. One may be mildly surprised to find out upon moving here that there are a great deal of neighbourhoods in the Philly area where there are no side walks at all. They are just SUCH a waste of concrete!

So my dear Ms.P, we are indeed kindred spirits in our wish for pedestrian safety. Lets go forth and show the Philadelphia masses that it can be done! Maybe you would like a little Canadian flag for your bumper?